I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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