someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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