Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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