I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
