I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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