well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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