His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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