I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
