If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
