It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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