Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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