He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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