there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
