So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
