just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
