Apparently you make a good broom.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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