I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
