they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
