imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
