I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
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Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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