I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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