i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
