I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
