just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
