great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
