also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize