I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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