know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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