What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
