some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
