new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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