either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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