I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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