Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
from now on my penis is your penis
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
