i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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