he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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