you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
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And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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