he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
