I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
