life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
