Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
