I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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