:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
soo... how was my night?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
