Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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