I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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