hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
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I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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