He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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