High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
