I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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