Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
