i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
