so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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