What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
