i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
