Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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