2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
