Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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