so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
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My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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