she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
