you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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