I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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