she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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